In Case of Zombies

By Marissa Nedved
ENGL 336.001

With the constant threat of biological terrorism and the mere existence of brain-inhabiting parasites, one can never be too careful about a future uptick in the zombie population. With a possibility of an all-out zombie attack, many have plans of survival at the ready. While the zombie disease is very contagious and can easily become widespread, Frostburg students and faculty do not appear to be too worried. Jeremy Robilotta, a Law and Society major from Abidingon, feels owning a motor vehicle will serve him well. After clarifying that the zombies would likely be of the slow variety, he intends to run over any monsters in his path. In the event that he lacks a car, he assures that he is a so-called “scrapper” and would easily cause bodily harm to the decaying beasts.

John Grazaitis, a Biology major, said he felt he would survive longer than most, although he feels that he would eventually succumb to the illness. He explained that, statistically, a majority of population would have to contract the zombification. Until his eventual infection, Grazaitis, an avid hunter, is confident in his weapon supply back at home. Even if he were at school during the attack, he is well-prepared with his trusty pocket knife. He said he would aim the knife at the zombie’s neck or head.

Most interestingly, the interviewee with the most detailed plan was a faculty member. Sydney Duncan is the English department chair. While she may appear quiet and timid, she is far from. Her weapons against the outbreak of the undead would be “a combination of wits, intellect and savagery.” With a serious face, she assured, “I’m meaner than anybody. I have no fear.” At home, she has many garden tools at her disposal. In her office, she may be even better prepared. There, she has a very heavy chair to bash in skulls and a sharp, pointy sculpture to puncture and stab any would-be attackers.

Whether or not the zombies are coming is still up for debate, but, luckily, Frostburg State University will not appear to go down without a fight. With weapons and wit, the zombies will find themselves a formidable opponent in this small town.

For more information on zombie survival, visit the Zombie Survival & Defense Wiki at www.zombiesurvivalwiki.com.